evening.

I'm kind of depressed. Tomorrow is the anniversary of my father's death in 1999. It's made new years eve something I'm not fond of anymore. This year I'm going to kayak the Cartecay in Georgia on New Years Day, at an event called the ChiliRun. A bunch of my friends and I have rented two cabins in the Georgia mountains. I just had to get out of town. And in the woods is best.
Right now I'm listening to XMRadio online, channel 4 which is the 40's channel. Which of course reminds me of my dad.

"The music starts
but we were still dancing.
Which goes to show
that music has charms.
The lights were low
So we kept on dancing.
I felt the glow
of you in my arms...

The band had left the stand
and we were in heaven...
Dancing on a cloud
way off in the blue...
The music stopped
and people were glancing
but we went on dancing...
For we didn't know
Because the lights were low
And we were in love."

Anyway, I talked to my mom today on the phone, and I didn't bring it up. The sad thing is, I can't seem to remember if it's the 29th or the 30th. And it's on the 30th - I asked my sister Kat. I will forget it again, I know. The exact date. It seems like a blur.
I remember waking up to my phone ringing, Kat telling me my dad was in the hospital again. It had happened quite a bit lately so I wasn't upset. I got ready and drove to the hospital. I went in; asked at the info desk for my dad. The lady told me to go into a room. I remember opening the door and my family was crammed in there, in this tiny room, crying. And through a haze I understood what had happened and I was shocked dumb. And we went and looked at him and then the rest was just dealing with details like buying clothes for the funeral and wake and being polite and calm. But it's the kind of calm that happens in the eye of a storm.

I think I'll go out tonight. This staying home alone does not appear to be smart.